On January 1, 2011 – I wrote in my travel journal from a hostel in Sydney, Australia “My number 1 wish for 2011 is for love to prevail”. What I’ve realized, is that love is everywhere and in 2011 all I did was open my eyes.

 Having recently returned from a roadtrip to beautiful Banff, AB, my inspiration to write feels rejuvenated. The combination of standing on top of a mountain, and driving alongside endless prairie fields offers comfort and spark to my wandering soul.

 As I prepare to set goals for 2012 thoughts of optimism, skepticism, and realistic expectations run around my head. What does skepticism mean to you? Where does the line fall between realistic expectations, and the power of positive thinking?

I believe that life is one big self-fulfilling prophecy; that what we believe to be true will come true. Believe you’re lonely? You will continue to be. Believe you have good luck? Then you will. Believe people like you? They will.  We subconsciously or otherwise put energy into the things we believe in, and make them come true for ourselves. These are our self-fulfilling prophecies. The hard parts are both realizing our subconscious beliefs, and identifying the ones that hold us back, after the ones that propel us forward.

 I recently set my mom off on a flight across the world for a traveling adventure of her own. And the strangest thing happened; I was overwhelmed with a surprising sense of gratitude towards home.  I'm grateful for my old familiar pillow, for a 30 minute drive to my grandma's farm. I'm grateful for the snow, and bestfriendships, and my Sunday afternoon volleyball teams. I'm grateful to have seen another Christmas with my 86 year old grand father- and to have been there for my dad through his recent shoulder surgery. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wished I could feel an attachment to home; and it seems traveling alone for 6 months was enough to see that another prophecy comes true. 

 Before I sign out, I will leave you with some words from a very dear friend of mine. Brilliant words to keep in mind as a new year begins:

  “Life is peaks and valleys. Floods and famines. Waxing and waning. Sunrise and sunset. Ebb and flow. There are days that are drenched in doubt. There are days bathed in unbelievable light. And there are days that just are. It’s part of the flow. 

Go with it. But God damn, enjoy it. It is living! It is feeling! You're feeling something! Even if it is doubt, it is feeling! “

Whether you’re skeptical, optimistic, doubtful, or full of hope; it is life, it is feeling, it is a New Year!

Cheers friends, and all the best in 2012

-Chan

 

 What is it about driving that cures anxieties, and sadness?  It’s as if physically moving forward aims to inspire some sort of mental and emotional progression. It gives our bodies a chance to catch up with our hearts.

 It never ceases to amaze me; life has a constant way of reminding me to have faith. At the times when I need it the most I’m given the most unexpected gifts: a message from an old college friend, love, the perfect song, a dazzling prairie sunset,  the little bit of inspiration that I need to find my way to the next step, or the answers to questions that I had almost forgotten I’d asked. Everyday I’m finding myself, defining myself. Sometimes defining myself simply means letting go of old definitions and allowing myself to be free to follow my heart. Sometimes it means building new boundaries to the places I don’t want to go anymore. 

 I revel in the contentment that comes with acceptance; acceptance of hard times, of challenges, of heartaches, and frustrations. It’s almost as though acceptance of the things that are hard about life frees us from feeling hurt by them. Acceptance of the role I play in my own life, and the places I find myself [both good and bad] boosts my self-worth, and allows me to find solutions rather than seek pity. The journey is the reward, after-all.

 I asked for opportunities and they arrived. I asked for friendships and they grew. I asked for inner peace and it knocked on my bedroom window one night just to say “I’m here”.

 As I’ve said before, and I’ll say again… it’s not easy, and it’s not supposed to be. But, it doesn’t mean that it’s not divinely beautiful.

If there’s one bit of inspiration I can offer, it would be open your eyes, it’s everywhere.

C

“There's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's been turned away” ~ Sarah Kay

 

I’m having an inspired day today.. .A day where introspection and perspective come easily.

My troubles seem manageable. My confidence is restored. And I’m listening to a song on repeat that is the perfect compliment to my state of mind. It is times like these that I’m sure that I am capable of accepting, understanding, and dealing with whatever curve balls happen to be thrown my way. I feel strong enough to stand my ground in the wake of influences whose moral integrity isn’t the same as my own.

Things I’ve learned (or been reminded of) lately: That we have control over no ones actions, reactions, or words but our own. That the truest friends on earth will always make time to talk and listen, and finally that being a friend to someone in need is both the greatest reward and the highest compliment to our character.

This summer has been a whirl wind of activity and socializing. I’ve got a great full time job, an amazing set of friends, and all the freedom in the world to dream and grow.

Since coming home from the great adventure of 2010/2011 I’ve been asked a several times why I haven’t pursued writing as a career. Good question. Great question! In fact, such a good question that I don’t know how to answer it. In some ways I suppose I already am a writer. I write, afterall, and I publish my work here on the world wide web. I suppose the bigger question then becomes how does one get their writing noticed? Is further schooling the answer? Is joining writing clubs or competitions? Is putting together a piece and submitting it to a publisher the answer? While I'm figuring it out, I'm going to keep writing, and as long as I keep writing, I hope you’ll all keep reading. Stay tuned for more blogs to come!

My motto for this week: Keep calm, and carry on.

Peace out cyber friends,

Chan

“I was born in a town where the rivers flow free 
On a January night when the cold winds freeze

I got an Irish name and an injury

Blessing and a curse cast down on me

Ain't nobody got the blues like me

Ain't nobody got the blues like me

Was a blood red sky on the morning tide

Was a cold wind blowing when I left that night

And the morning bells rang, alright, alright

Shoulda stayed home with you that night

Ain't nobody played the fool like I

Ain't nobody played the fool like I

Things got bad and things got worse

Half like blessing, half like curse

It's these blessings so hard to see sometimes

Gotta little clearer about dusk last night

Ain't nobody got a blessing like mine

Ain't nobody got a blessing like mine

 It's a red sky night and I'm doing alright

It's a red sky night and I'm doing just fine” – Gaslight Anthem

 This past weekend I took a drive up to our family cabin at what I’m convinced is the most beautiful, magical place on earth. With bestfriend in tow, a case of Bud, and some road worthy tunes we made the 4 hour drive north.

Everything was just as I remembered it: the ethereal glow of the sun as a reflection of the glassy calm lake. The smell of the north. The groove in the couch where I always sit. And the friends and neighbors that are as good as family with their common love for our special northern oasis.

I was sitting behind my friend on a four wheeler and staring up at the evergreen tree tops as they formed a sort-of strobe light in combination with the late afternoon glow of the sun. And it is here, in the middle of the northern Canadian wilderness that I had my first real moment of clarity since coming home.

We are creatures of habit, creatures of cohabitation, creatures that strive to feel a sense of belonging, and a sense of worthiness for that which we dare to achieve. And all of the wonderful, glorious things that we could possibly see or do in our lives mean little if we don’t have someone to share it with. Someone who understands our fire, our passion, our hopes and our dreams.

I sat on my couch this afternoon and watched the last episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show air on TV. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was sobbing. For those of you who don’t know me, this is a rare and strange occurrence. Television and movies rarely have the ability to make me cry. Par example, I didn’t cry when I watched P.S. I love you, OR My Sisters Keeper. Stone feelings, right?

Maybe it was just a matter of right time, right place, as I’m going through my own life transitions. Or maybe it was the inspirational thoughts that she shared. Either way, I cried, and she didn’t, and there’s just something wrong with that picture.

From the mouth of “Opes” herself….

"Nobody but you is responsible for your life. You are responsible for your life. What is your life? What is all life? What is every flower, every rock, every tree? Energy. And you're responsible for the energy you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy that you bring to others."

"Don't wait for someone else to complete you. 'Jerry Maguire' was just a movie."

"There's a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of being happy. Your being alive makes worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough."

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common -- they all wanted validation. ... They want to know, do you hear me? Do you see me? Does what I say mean anything to you?"

"You also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world. You have the power to change somebody's life."

And with that I sign off.

Maybe my light for today is this blog… hoping someone out there reads these lines and feels better understood, less alone, and part of a human experience that we all share.

All I know is that somewhere between the northern wilderness, the final episode of Oprah, and this keyboard I remembered something that I haven’t felt in a very long time….

 

….“Ain’t nobody got a blessing like mine”.

"One love, one heart,
Let's get together and feel all right..."

My heart is filled with love at the thought of all the people who have shown me kindness along my journey. First and foremost are my auntie Brenda, Jackie, Katie O'Neill, Katie Ewing, and Ashley Smoley. Your hospitality, thoughtfulness, and overall generosity have not only made my trip what it is, but changed my outlook on the world. Home didn't seem so far away when I was with you. The world felt smaller, and less foreign. But most importantly, it was my time with each of you that taught me one very important thing. And that's that I value the love and companionship of others above most everything else in life. It reigns fairly high on my list of things to do to one day have a home of my own to offer the people I love whether it be for shelter, laughter, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a place to spend Christmas, or simply a somewhere to hangout on a Sunday afternoon.

I extend a warm invitation to each of you if you ever want a place to stay. My home is yours, and I'd be honoured to return the favour. I regard my time with each of you as the highlights of my trip. It truly means the world.

On my list of other thank-yous is my Mom and Dad for (fairly willingly) supporting me in my decision to venture to the other side of the world! I guess I've done a pretty good job raising both of you. But seriously, thank you for worrying about me, offering advice, and looking after me, even from half the world away.

To my bestfriends: Tiffany, Darci, Lisa, Sarah, Rhonni, Kyla, Raisa, and Lauren, thank you for the long distance phone calls, emails, birthday and valentines day packages, and facebook posts. I'll never forget the night before I left for this trip, wayyyy back in October... I was sitting in my room and trying to pack (at the last minute, obviously), and one by one the phone calls came, and the doorbell rang. Darc, Tiff, Lisa, and Rhonni skyped me from the States with words of love and encouragement, while Sarah, Raisa, Kyla, and Lauren stopped by my house. Sarah brought a card, Lauren brought a travel journal, and some magazines to help with the long journey,  Raisa... I think Raisa borrowed some clothes? hahaha. And Kyla brought a home-baked lemon merangue pie. I've never felt so loved in my whole life. When I was homesick you all brightened the day. When I was having the time of my life, you were unconditionally happy for me. And most importantly when it was almost time for me to come home, you sent messages of love and anticipation about reuniting once again. You're the bestfriends in the entire world, and I'm so lucky to have you.

It's surreal to think that six months has nearly passed. I've seen Melbourne, Sydney, Byron Bay, Brisbane, Noosa, Christchurch, Queenstown, Lake Wanaka, Franz Josef, Punakaki, Wakefield, Nelson, Picton, Wellington, Lake Taupo, Auckland, Bay of Islands, Phuket, Khao Lak, Krabi, Ton Sai, Kata Beach, Bangkok, and last but not least, Dolphins Bay. I've surfed surfed in Australia, jumped off a cliff into a water fall, held a koala, fed a kangaroo, played open mic nights, seen Jack Johnson and Oprah. I've watched Rugby in Auckland, fed wild monkeys in Thailand, seen rare pink dolphins, and ridden an elephant . I've been as happy as I've ever been. I've been as homesick as I've ever been. But by gosh I've learned, and grown, and adventured, and experienced more amazing things on this trip than I ever could have dreamed.

People keep asking me if I'm sad to leave or happy to come home. In truth, six days from now when I board my plane there will be nothing I want more than to be back on familiar ground. But for now, I am going to soak up every last second of my travelling adventure. 

I'll be seeing some of you in a week, and some of you in a few months. But either way, I'm twitterpaited with excitement. :)
As for Katie, Katie, and Jackie - I hope to see you all again soon... But until then, it's not goodbye, it's "I'll see you later".

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Channy

The adventures continue...

Just as I suspected, Thailand has been the highlight of my trip. The time with my family, the stunning scenery, the smiley people, the rich culture, and obviously - the delicious authentic food all contribute. I made best mates with a group of fellow Canadians, and we enjoyed 5 days together at Ton Sai in down pour, monsoon weather. Luckily we had each other for company, enjoying a couple of great nights playing three man at the local bar. It rained so hard for so long that the main street was totally washed out, a waterfall and streams in its place, and the convenience store had inches of water covering the floor. Unfortunately during this time I also fell ill with the infamous Bangkok bug, whose symptoms are rapid fire vomitting for a period of twelve to twenty-four hours. I think I was sick about 35 times in 8 hours before my Russian neighbors at the hostel offered me a herbal remedy to calm my stomach. It worked within an hour, and I was finally able to get some sleep, but spent the next few days living off of gatorade and crackers with little to no appetite. To prove how sick I was, I think I lost eleven pounds in three days. Luckily, the time I spent with my Auntie in Bangkok eating like a queen made up for it :)

I first met up with her in Phuket (pronounced Poo-ket) at Kata Beach, where she treated me to a luxury room at a four star hotel. When I opened the door and saw the king sized bed, flat screen television, and jacuzzi tub my eyes grew wide with wonder and gratitude before immediately having a shower, taking the moldy clothes out of my bag, and proceeding to do log rolls from one end of my king sized to the other. Air conditioning, clean white sheets, and a view of the pool. Holy Canoly! We spent two days on the beach lounging in total luxury, soaking up the stunning views, and eating gourmet food. But best of all, for the first time in months I was with family. It's surreal how great the feeling is to have someone else looking out for me after months of being totally on my own. I felt like I could finally take a deep breath, and relax. There was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

My auntie is an amazing woman. I've adored her since I was a kid, and wanted to visit her in Bangkok for as far back as I can remember. She is kind, sweet, independent, and adventurous. She is a great mother to her two young boys who adore her, and obviously a great friend to all of the wonderful people I met during my time with her. And all this despite the world of setbacks that she endured at an early age. She's a great inspiration. While in Bangkok area we went shopping, had drinks on the roof of the highest residential building in Bangkok, ate at a great local Italian place, went on a 25km cycling tour of the temples in Ayutthaya, and spent an afternoon lounging by her pool. On the weekend we road tripped to Dolphins Bay where we saw the rare pink dolphins (yes, ACTUALLY pink), fed wild monkeys on Monkey Island, got a tour of a Thai fishing village, and went on an elephant trek at Hua Hin where the Mahouts let us actually steer the elephants! But most importantly, my auntie and had time to bond, catchup, and talk about all of the wonderous feelings that go along with having a wandering soul. It seems the trials and tribulations of world travel resonate across generations.

Khorb Koon ka, Thailand; you and your people were so good to me...I have a feeling I'll be back again someday.

Ten days left in Australia to revel in all of the beach days, humidity, cockroach & gecko encounters that my heart desires. And when all is said and done, the most valuable part of my adventure will begin: the reflection...

Until next time, keep smiling...:)

Home is a concept that Ive struggled to understand since I was about 18 years old. Growing up, home seemed to be this consistent, comfortable place that was safe from all of the demons of the outside world. One day that all changed though, and if I didn't know better I would say that I've been venturing to the far corners of the world in search of a place that feels as good as home once did.

Maybe home diminishes the day that we realize our parents are mortals. Maybe it's something that doesn't return until we build our own family. Maybe home isnt really a physical place at all, but somewhere inside of us for all of the people that we love, and all of the memories that we make. Maybe it's different for everyone. With 21 days left in my trip, I spend nights dreaming about my own bed, my friends, and the comforts of "home", like familiarity and routine. And for the first time in six years I cant wait to be back there. I've spent so much of my adult life running from all the people that I associate with hurt, but it seems this time I've gone long enough and far enough that home finally feels like home.

Maybe I was taking for granted the remnants of home that were remaining in my life, or maybe I put so much distance between me and everything I've ever known that I had to deal life on my own terms. Maybe I left in search of a place to call home, and what I found was that I've had it all along.

Whatever the case may be, 21 more sleeps until I get there...

"Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home"...

I'm sitting in a restaurant right now waiting for my Thai noodle soup. It's about nine pm in Khao Lak and it's been raining for two days. I've spent my time exploring the town, and shops, doing a little bartering for some souvenir items, and I even treated myself to a massage (for $9 an hour).
I psyched myself up to spend these few weeks alone in Thailand because I'm coming down from my Auckland high of visiting friends ( which is when I'm at my happiest!).....
.....Day three today and I went back to the massage place just to talk to the ladies that work there. After about fifteen minutes one of them offered me their personal umbrella to keep me dry on the walk home. Think they were trying to get rid of me? Jokes on them cause I get to go back tomorrow to return it. On another note, for those of you who don't know me, I'm the kind of shopper that can walk into a store, try on everything in my size, analyse it's compatability with other items in my closet, how easy it will be to wash, how the colour actually looks on me, what's in fashion, how much it costs, whether or not I can afford it, or for that matter if I even really like it, or if it's just a new item to be worn once as a way of momentarily boosting my self esteem as opposed to actually using my gym membership. As you can tell the decision process is lengthy, obnoxiously lengthy. And for most scenarios in life that require me to make quick retail decisions this is a bad thing for me and everyone else present. However, my indecisiveness has proven to be a valuable quality when bartering with Thai's. All I have to do is pick up an item, and go through my usual routine of humming, hawing and seriously over analysing. And without saying a word the shop owner has inevitably bartered themselves down to their lowest possible price and thrown their hands in the air saying "take it or leave it". "That was easy" I think to myself. Problem is now there's an adorable Thai woman standing in front of me with her cute brown eyes, petit stature, soul melting kindness, and rock bottom price, but after my long decision making checklist I've decided that I don't actually need another bracelet, necklace, or tshirt. "But look at her" I think to myself and before I know it I've got three of whatever it was I didn't need and a new friend waving to me from the outskirts of the store saying "come back soon!" A bestfriend of mine recently started practicing yoga and one of her instructors told her, "you almost always have more to give than you think". What a great concept.... Usually right. I
wonder if that applies to bartering in Thailand???
In case you don't know what it's like to travel the world alone for six months, do me a favour and hug the next familiar face you see. :)

Be kind to one another.

Xxx
Chan

Sent from my iPod

Well, New Zealand is officially behind me. It was a challenging whirl wind of natural disasters, beautiful scenery, and friendships old and new. A great experience to say the least, but I'm happy to be moving onward. 

Sawatdee Thailand! :)

When I stepped out of the arrivals gate at Phuket I immediately had to face the harassment of taxi drivers looking for business. Even from just looking at the airport walls and floor I could tell I was in a third world country. There are street vendors lining the ditches until all hours of the night. Road rules seem to be non existent or poorly enforced at the very least. Public transport is utterly chaootic, and the streets are dirty with garbage and broken glass. BUT (and this is a big but), to say that the people are kind would be an understatement.

I was dropped off on the side of the freeway by my hotel taxi service at a crickety, graffiti covered bus stop with a handful of locals waiting to transport. I was pouring sweat from the 28 degree humid day, and frazzled by my heavy pack and lack of knowledge about where I was going or how to get there. When one of the nearby vendors asked me a question I didn't understand, I immediately assumed he wanted me to buy something and brushed him off saying, "No ,thanks", and turned my head away. Afterall I had more important things to do, like figure out which bus would take me to Khao Lak, how much it would cost, and where exactly I needed to get on. After flipping through the pages of my travel book unsuccessfully, retrieving none of the information I needed, I turned back in the direction of the vendors and hoisted my 30kg backpack onto the bench. The man appraoched me again. "Great" I thought putting my head down to deter him with my lack of eye contact.

"Miss, you need bus?" He asked. I looked up and took a moment to evaluate his appearance. He was short, around five feet, like most Thai people. He wore blue slacks that were dusty from the days work on the side of the road. On top he wore an authentic Thai cotton shirt. His face was round, and his teeth damaged from a lifetime of use without proper cleaning, but his eyes were warm and kind.
"Yes", I replied, "To Khao Lak".
"OK. Sit here. Twenty minutes wait. Tell driver you need Khao Lak stop, and pay on bus. Will be 100 Baht". He answered all of my questions before I even asked. I thanked the man and smiled. He smiled back, obviously happy to have helped me find my way. He turned and walked back to his vendor to continue cutting up mangos. I felt foolish for previously assuming he only wanted my business.

Twenty minutes later I hopped on the bus, greeted by eighty faces, mostly Thai, one English couple, and not a single empty seat. I had been standing for about fifteen minutes trying not to get motionsick by focusing on the road ahead, and watching the tv program, a Thai comedy skit. I looked around, some people were sleeping, most were watching the show intently and laughing at the odd joke. Immediately behind me two women were sitting together. I had been leaning on their seat. As soon as I made eye contact the woman on the inside moved over, squishing herself against the wall. The woman on the outside followed her que and moved so that she was sitting half on each seat. She patted the half empty spot, gesturing for me to take a seat. I thanked her with a relieved smile, and sat down. Again, without knowing me, perfect strangers overcame a cultural and language barrier to help me on my journey. The women smiled at me, then turned forward. Squished but comfortable, we all closed our eyes for a rest.

I haven't been in Thailand for long, but I'm very keen on the vibe of places, and the charisma of its people. From what I can tell, Thai's are the kind of people that make me want to be a better version of myself. And, like everywhere I've been, it's beautiful here. The green trees, the blue ocean, the rich culture, and most importantly the smiling faces. Again, I am reminded that it doesn't matter where you're from, or what language you speak, a smile is always a good thing to wear; it is universal.

In Thailand, one's life is measured by the amount of "sanuk" that they are able to cultivate from day to day. Sanuk, is the Thai word for 'fun'. Now if that's not a great way to live, then I don't know what is.

Until next time,
Keep fit, and have sanuk!